Monday, November 17, 2008
Love
Finally the time has come to write about this topic. Wonder why in these 3 years I never dared to write about this. Most of the time used to go in analysing the different terms associated with it: crush, attraction, infatuation etc etc. But none of these are equivalent to this strong word called love. My focus in this post is not any other form of love but love between a male and female.
In my view, if a feeling of a girl towards a guy/man has to be called as love, it needs to be very pure. [I will intentionally not talk about the other side of it here, because I don't think I am qualified enough. Readers are welcome to add] By pure, I refer to the absence of "Arishadvargas" (six foes) called "Kama, Krodha, Lobha, Moha, Mada, Mathsara" (Lust, Anger, Greed, Attachment, Ego, Jealousy). In such a case, love can do wonders. It can elevate the person being in love to the next higher level in life. Only such a love has the power to bring about drastic and permanent changes. True love need not end in marriage, but it'll definitely prepare one for a better life. If a person has "loved" someone, then she will not be desperate to marry him. If there's desperation, it is not love, it is greed or lust or attachment or a mixture of these.
A girl/woman in real love will always wish for the happiness of the man she loves. I don't call it sacrifice, rather I call it selfishness. The reason being that she feels happy if he is happy and a sensible woman knows that a man's happiness lies in being with a woman he likes and a woman's happiness lies in being with a man she is liked by. Also, as the famous saying goes, "A man should love his wife without trying to understand her; A woman should understand her husband without trying to love him. Most people do the other way and make their life miserable." Actually women have tremondous capacity to understand human mind and that's why they can do the job of a mother very well. Similarly, men love like crazy and that's why they sometimes become "Devadasas". Not to offend men. (Why there is no female counterpart to this? Note: the word "Devdasi" has a different meaning.) Finally I would like to say that if love is channelized well, the world will be such a beautiful place to live!
Over to you, readers!
In my view, if a feeling of a girl towards a guy/man has to be called as love, it needs to be very pure. [I will intentionally not talk about the other side of it here, because I don't think I am qualified enough. Readers are welcome to add] By pure, I refer to the absence of "Arishadvargas" (six foes) called "Kama, Krodha, Lobha, Moha, Mada, Mathsara" (Lust, Anger, Greed, Attachment, Ego, Jealousy). In such a case, love can do wonders. It can elevate the person being in love to the next higher level in life. Only such a love has the power to bring about drastic and permanent changes. True love need not end in marriage, but it'll definitely prepare one for a better life. If a person has "loved" someone, then she will not be desperate to marry him. If there's desperation, it is not love, it is greed or lust or attachment or a mixture of these.
A girl/woman in real love will always wish for the happiness of the man she loves. I don't call it sacrifice, rather I call it selfishness. The reason being that she feels happy if he is happy and a sensible woman knows that a man's happiness lies in being with a woman he likes and a woman's happiness lies in being with a man she is liked by. Also, as the famous saying goes, "A man should love his wife without trying to understand her; A woman should understand her husband without trying to love him. Most people do the other way and make their life miserable." Actually women have tremondous capacity to understand human mind and that's why they can do the job of a mother very well. Similarly, men love like crazy and that's why they sometimes become "Devadasas". Not to offend men. (Why there is no female counterpart to this? Note: the word "Devdasi" has a different meaning.) Finally I would like to say that if love is channelized well, the world will be such a beautiful place to live!
Over to you, readers!
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Nice blog. Experience of love (male - female love and not platonic love), I guess will give a slightly different picture.
Raghavendra
Raghavendra
I feel, the blog gives the definition of platonic love. I actually meant 'unconditional love' in my earlier comment (in place of 'platonic love'). Anyways nice perspective.
Actually, in this post I tried to explain my views on "Love", intentionally trying to avoid the words like "platonic" or "unconditional" love. I always thought that the word love was being used by many people very lightly, without actually having the right understanding; without being aware of the responsibilities associated. People get possessive in love. But then is it real love? There are lot more points to discuss/debate, which I do not want to. Note that these points that I've put are independent of whether it is one way or mutual love. By not having "arishadvargas" I did not mean total abstinence; I meant to say one's love should not be mastered by those.
We should understand what love is. But we should know how to imprint love on our minds. For understanding is only a first step towards love. The love described here can be seen predominantly only in nature.
A girl/woman in real love will always wish for the happiness of the man she loves. I don't call it sacrifice, rather I call it selfishness Hmm,
lets have two people X and Y (female and male) and another female Z
and these are how things stand
X likes Y, Y likes Z
case 1>
X lets go of Y, knowing Y will be happy with Z. And the knowledge of Y being happy makes her happy.
Q)Since she did find happiness (in Y's happiness) was her action selfish? (in letting go of Y)
case 2>
X throws the biggest tantrum ever and uses every trick in the book and forces Y to forget Z and "acquires" Y. Now that she "possesses" Y she should be happy. Q) Is this selfish? Most people would say yes!
Now, which of the two actions do you think is indicative of stronger love? or even of stronger selfishness? (as you put it)
If you ask me I'd say there are three variables here, (L)ove, (S)elfishness and (H)appiness! and would be nice if we could have them in an equation, dont you think?
iep.utm.edu/l/love.htm
lets have two people X and Y (female and male) and another female Z
and these are how things stand
X likes Y, Y likes Z
case 1>
X lets go of Y, knowing Y will be happy with Z. And the knowledge of Y being happy makes her happy.
Q)Since she did find happiness (in Y's happiness) was her action selfish? (in letting go of Y)
case 2>
X throws the biggest tantrum ever and uses every trick in the book and forces Y to forget Z and "acquires" Y. Now that she "possesses" Y she should be happy. Q) Is this selfish? Most people would say yes!
Now, which of the two actions do you think is indicative of stronger love? or even of stronger selfishness? (as you put it)
If you ask me I'd say there are three variables here, (L)ove, (S)elfishness and (H)appiness! and would be nice if we could have them in an equation, dont you think?
iep.utm.edu/l/love.htm
As per my post, the first act is of more selfishness and stronger love.
And, why do you say in the second case that, 'now that she posseses Y she should be happy'? The entire definition collapses there. One needn't be happy by possessing things or people always.
The equation that you asked for, in my view is,
H = L + S
And, why do you say in the second case that, 'now that she posseses Y she should be happy'? The entire definition collapses there. One needn't be happy by possessing things or people always.
The equation that you asked for, in my view is,
H = L + S
Hmm,
You say case1> is selfish? more than case 2?
may be a tighter bound is required on selfishness!?
selfishness:
1. pursuing own interests or happiness with indifference to the happiness of others
or worse
2. pursuing own interests or happiness at the expense of happiness of others
What I am saying is every living being is inclined to do things that would make it happy... cant call all of it selfishness! can you? If that's the case we might as well have to rename "pursuit of happiness" to a simpler one word title "selfishness" !!!
in case1 X gave more precedence to Y's happiness! (and also Z's happiness) I am disinclined to call her selfish. case2 however was brazenly selfish!
What I disagree with is... drawing a correlation between selfishness and love. It just ruins the sanctity that rightfully belongs to love. The equations I had in mind were...
love and selfishness are orthogonal!
L.S = 0 .... (1)
love is sufficient condition for happiness
L=>H ....(2)
(not a necessary condition though!)
You say case1> is selfish? more than case 2?
may be a tighter bound is required on selfishness!?
selfishness:
1. pursuing own interests or happiness with indifference to the happiness of others
or worse
2. pursuing own interests or happiness at the expense of happiness of others
What I am saying is every living being is inclined to do things that would make it happy... cant call all of it selfishness! can you? If that's the case we might as well have to rename "pursuit of happiness" to a simpler one word title "selfishness" !!!
in case1 X gave more precedence to Y's happiness! (and also Z's happiness) I am disinclined to call her selfish. case2 however was brazenly selfish!
What I disagree with is... drawing a correlation between selfishness and love. It just ruins the sanctity that rightfully belongs to love. The equations I had in mind were...
love and selfishness are orthogonal!
L.S = 0 .... (1)
love is sufficient condition for happiness
L=>H ....(2)
(not a necessary condition though!)
I would call the second choice foolishness rather!
Dear the-problem-is-choice, All I can say is that you still need to realize things on your own. I don't want to convince you or try to impose my thoughts.
Cheers
Aparna
Dear the-problem-is-choice, All I can say is that you still need to realize things on your own. I don't want to convince you or try to impose my thoughts.
Cheers
Aparna
Hi,
Nice post. I guess it would be great to experience "true/pure" love.
"A girl/woman in real love will always wish for the happiness of the man she loves.
I don't call it sacrifice, rather I call it selfishness. "
Is something missing in between?
Are you applying this statement to desperation and marriage?
Cheers
Ram
Nice post. I guess it would be great to experience "true/pure" love.
"A girl/woman in real love will always wish for the happiness of the man she loves.
I don't call it sacrifice, rather I call it selfishness. "
Is something missing in between?
Are you applying this statement to desperation and marriage?
Cheers
Ram
oh well, that sounds like "I dont want to continue this, now get off my blog!!!" :| fine then, atleast rethink on linking selfishness and love!
-Arun
-Arun
Hi Noor,
Good to hear from you!!!, I am not able to access your blog profile..What are you upto these days? Do reply...
Regards
Aparna
Good to hear from you!!!, I am not able to access your blog profile..What are you upto these days? Do reply...
Regards
Aparna
Awesome Post Aparna and a fantastic exploration of the same by Arun,though you can never ever apply any math or logic on the emotion called love...But in all its totality, I am in unison with his point of view regarding the sanctity of love being ruined by drawing a correlation between love and selfishness ... and to say in the least, love is one emotion , although pondered upon often, felt all the time, can always leave a missing link when an attempt is being made to pen it down.
# posted by 
: 6:05 AM, December 10, 2008
: 6:05 AM, December 10, 2008
Dear Arun,
Great to know that you are a Kannadiga from IITM. I have tremendous regards for IITM, as I've come across lots of sensible IITM students. This institute tunes the minds; at least by the time a student comes out, he gets matured enough not to get into cheap business of rating institutes based on a blog post.
On Love, I do not know who this Rashmi is. But everyone is free to express one's views.Their view is not ultimate, and that includes mine too. I have not given any of the readers the right to be judgmental on that. Remember one thing, I did not bring the equations here and I know very well that subjective matters can not be dealt in objective manner. The one who can differentiate between the two is really great.
Regards
Aparna
Great to know that you are a Kannadiga from IITM. I have tremendous regards for IITM, as I've come across lots of sensible IITM students. This institute tunes the minds; at least by the time a student comes out, he gets matured enough not to get into cheap business of rating institutes based on a blog post.
On Love, I do not know who this Rashmi is. But everyone is free to express one's views.Their view is not ultimate, and that includes mine too. I have not given any of the readers the right to be judgmental on that. Remember one thing, I did not bring the equations here and I know very well that subjective matters can not be dealt in objective manner. The one who can differentiate between the two is really great.
Regards
Aparna
hmm, the halftime score comment was in lighter vain, and it deeply disappoints me that you had to took it seriously! Comparing the two institutes would be like comparing apples and oranges and simply CAN NOT be done! Even people outside these two institutes would know that... and I for one would be the last one to do it!!! and I am not being judgmental either! Well then, lets agree to disagree and move on!
-Arun
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-Arun
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